UNSEEN NIGHTMARE for Friday Fictioneers

Copyright-John Nixon

Photo Copyright-John Nixon

Genre – Thriller/Horror/Suspense

Word Count – 100


© Alice White 2014

A clammy sense of doom.

His body stiffened.


Rooted by unseen shackles.

He grabbed her hand. Resolved to hang on, whatever happened.

Thunder stopped mere feet away.

Something breathed. Snorted.

Fear rose inside him. Stuck in his throat. Stifled the scream that terror induced, but did not allow to escape.

Probably just as well.

Flight? Not an option. Whatever stood behind him would surely stem that urge instantly.

Fight? No. Foolhardy. The thing was big, if those thunderous stomps were anything to go by. Assuming those belonged to this unseen nightmare.

Its breath blustered against his neck.

11 thoughts on “UNSEEN NIGHTMARE for Friday Fictioneers

  1. Liked it! Nice and scary and you left me hanging! All good. One suggestion: instead of “Resolved not to let go” make this a positive statement “Resolved to hang on”. In my own writing, I find that negatives tend to be wordy and a bit confusing. Changing it to state a positive action is sometimes the answer.


  2. Unseen nightmare is both a great title and a brilliant idea – so much more fear in the unknown. My favourite line is “rooted by unseen shackles”, my least favourite is the chilled blood – next to such a strong description (clammy sense of doom), this bit feels a little clichéd. Overall, very chilling.


    • Thank you so much 🙂 I found your comments incredibly helpful 🙂
      I can remove the “chilled blood”. I did wonder about that line in the first place, but left it in for some unknown reason. On reflection, I think perhaps “A clammy sense of doom” could stand alone, in this context. A Stronger sentence on its own… what do you think? 🙂
      I do have a tendency to over write things at times, and do need it pointing out, by awesome people such as yourself 🙂
      Thank you again.
      Alice xox


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